Why EQ Matters More Than IQ Ever walked away from a conversation feeling misunderstood or wishing you had reacted differently? That is emotional intelligence, or EQ, at work, or not working very well in that moment.
EQ is the ability to recognize, regulate, and respond to emotions, both yours and others’, in ways that improve relationships, decision making, and resilience. Research shows EQ plays a bigger role than IQ in leadership effectiveness, career success, and emotional well being (Goleman, 1995).
The good news is that EQ is not fixed. It can be developed and strengthened over time.
1. Master emotional awareness Most people react to emotions without fully understanding what they are feeling. The first step to building EQ is awareness.Try this simple three second check in. Pause and ask yourself: What am I actually feeling right now? Go beyond good or bad. What triggered this feeling? Is how I am responding helping me or hurting me? Research shows that naming emotions reduces their intensity by calming the brain’s fear response (Lieberman et al., 2007).
2. Regulate instead of reacting Ever sent a text or said something you immediately regretted? That is your emotional brain reacting before your logical brain has a chance to catch up. To slow this down, give your nervous system a moment to reset. Tap your knees alternately left and right for several seconds. Take a slow breath before responding. Even a brief pause can change the outcome of a conversation. If emotions feel overwhelming, open soFree and use a guided bilateral stimulation session to help your system settle. Research on bilateral stimulation shows it can reduce emotional intensity and improve impulse control (Shapiro, 2018).
3. Strengthen empathy Strong EQ is not about talking more. It is about listening better. Listen to understand rather than to respond. Notice body language and tone, not just words. Instead of assuming, try reflecting back what you hear. For example, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated. Is that right?” Mirror neurons in the brain help us attune to others’ emotions, which means empathy is a skill that can be practiced and improved (Iacoboni, 2008).
## 4. Build emotional resilience People with high EQ do not avoid emotions. They know how to move through them. Instead of saying “I’m stressed,” ask, “What is one small thing I can do right now to ease this?” Remember that emotions are temporary. Try not to make permanent decisions in the middle of intense feelings. Pay attention to your self talk and gently shift it. “I always mess up” can become “I’m learning from this.”
Research shows that people with higher EQ recover from stress faster and are less likely to stay stuck in negative thought loops (Feldman Barrett, 2017). -Make EQ a daily habit -Pause before reacting. -Name what you feel.
Practice empathy before jumping to conclusions. If you need a fast way to regulate your emotions, open soFree and start a guided bilateral stimulation session. Sometimes clarity and calm come from helping your nervous system reset first.